Fun @ Gigs – Episode 1: Coca-Colas

Posted: June 25, 2013 in Storytime
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The club I have played at more than any other is a raunchy dive in Revere, MA called The Tank.  It’s no longer open for business, sadly :), but those among my friends who were lucky enough to catch a show there, they will never forget the good times.

The bartender was your standard busty blond who just wanted to serve you beer and get your tips and then go home. No point in striking up a conversation with her – she would always assume you were just trying to score. This, however, didn’t stop her from laying a fabulous one-liner on a couple of my friends one night.

My band Language of the Mad was playing a gig at The Tank on the day after Thanksgiving back in 2000. Do you know how many people go out to hear live music on Black Friday? By my count, it would be two – my friends Rich and John. John was in town from Chicago. Rich drove to the show. John doesn’t drink. Rich didn’t drink because he was driving. So they sat at the bar, sipping Cokes while they watched the absolutely hammered band play their songs to them. We got so sloppy at one point that our drummer Adam took a bathroom break, and 20 minutes later, we wondered where he was. Turns out he stopped at the bar on his way back and had been doing shots for 15 minutes.

But I digress. Back to the bartender. Rich and John were enjoying the “show” but Ms. Handsoff was well aware of her sad tip jar. Incredibly used to dealing with drunk asses trying to make witty banter with her as they order more beer, she took the opportunity to address the two fully sober gentlemen with (cop your most condescending voice here): “Would you boys like a refill on your Coca-Colas?” (commence petting them on the head)

I have to give her credit for making the most of her night out, and for supplying Rich, John, and me with an eternal chuckle. Maybe you had to be there, but hey … I was!



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